The Little things...become the Big things.

It's interesting (not to mention frustrating) how, as human beings, we want what we don't have and don't want what we have? For the most part i'm pretty content with my situation, but there are some areas in which I wish I was in a better place. It's easy to begin focusing on those wishes, ignoring that which we possess and should be grateful for.

I won't go into detail here, as much of my personal struggle is just that...highly personal. Just a thought. As soon as I improve in an area, I immediately see three areas in which I'm not happy with myself, the situation, whatever. And not in a "constantly driving to improve" sort of way, where that dissatisfaction leads to motivation. More of a feeling of hopelessness because I'm not where I want to be and it seems so far to the desired destination.

In some cases, the dissatisfaction has led to apathy, which has in turn led to major life issues. Again, not going to go into detail, but sometimes you look at a deficiency you have and it seems so insurmountable. The feeling that there's nothing you can do prevails. And all you can bring yourself to do is think "I wish...".

Mornings...coffee, omelets and eye boogers

Day 12 - 17 lbs down. The goal is to look like I did in this picture from '05 (myself, Michael Smith and Tommy Craft, L-R).

For some reason, it's been insanely difficult to get up in the mornings this week. Now I've never, ever, been a morning person, but generally manage ok. But this week has been awful for getting up on time, and when I do wake up I feel as though I've been up for days and, after finally getting a little rest, had someone wake me up after 4 hours of sleep. I leave my contacts in at night (bad habit) so I have terrible eye boogies when I get up, and even the thought of turning a light on makes me cringe. Perhaps I need to start going to bed earlier. I thought I was a pro for going to bed at 11 and waking up at 4:40, but my body is telling me otherwise. These late nights, while I love them, are just knocking me flat for the next morning.

On another note, we have Wards coming to town this weekend. Very jazzed, madness and mayhem will ensue.

Adam misses carbs

We had some bigwigs from DC come in last night, and the boss mandated that we show up at Gusano's in Conway at 6:30 for pizza, appetizers and beer (on the bigwigs). So there I sat for 90 minutes, staring at food I would normally heartily and passionately devour, yet eating nothing. It was a relief when the clock struck 8 and I had every right to finally leave the building. Only in the last couple of days have the carb cravings really smacked me in the face. It's only the 15 lbs i've lost in 9 days that keeps me subjecting myself to this misery.

I just wanted to put my gripes into written form. I'm a Whiny Wilson today.

Diet & Exercise...Lord why did you give me a slow metabolism?

This is day 3 of South Beach Diet drudgery. The exercise part I've already been doing for about 4 months now, but the diet part sucks. You never realize how much you miss carbs until you're not eating them in any way, shape or form. I don't even get to look at a carb until week after next, when I go into phase 2 of the diet - limited, healthy carbs. If I haven't lost 15 lbs by the time I reach phase 2, I will birth a cow. Because it's all I can do not to think of Old Chicago, Slim Chicken's, Wingstop, Chik-Fil-A, and other carb-heavy favorite eats. Curse genetics. Curse them. Thanks to genetics, I'm eating an unsatisfying lunch of tuna fish (just tuna fish), almonds (not of the smoked or salted variety) and part-skim mozzarella string cheese.

Changing the subject now. I'm desperately hoping that the government realizes the error of their ways, regrets taking ~35% of my year's pay in taxes, and decides to refund a huge chunk of that back to me. Because not only would that be awesome, but Danielle and I would no longer have any credit card debt, and Adam would get a nice new Ford F-150 Crew-Cab 4WD. However, I am a pessimist by nature, so I highly doubt this will actually happen. They'll probably send me a little note saying "Hi Mr. Barron - here's your check for $50. Enjoy your stimulus." Let's hope I end up pleasantly surprised.

It's been awhile

Preface: For the 2 (maybe) people who pay attention to this - I require a great deal of self-validation and ego-stroking. So please...comment! It keeps me going.

Part of me wants to be deeply philosophical in this post, discussing matters such as Haiti's earthquake and long-running governmental uber-failure(s), the iPad and my growing annoyance with Steve Jobs, and the Amazon v. Macmillan Publishing dispute and how retarded Amazon is.

The other part...the part that wins...wants to talk about how lazy I am. Granted, I get up 4 days a week at 4:40 AM and go work out for an hour, work a full day at work, and (some of the time) cook a full meal upon my return home. So i'm not that lazy...but I am pretty lazy. I could probably make my workouts more intense than I do, but I'm too lazy. I could probably put myself on a stricter, more regimented diet program, but I'm too lazy. I could find something to do on the weekends other than sit on my couch watching TV and playing video games, but I'm just too damn lazy.

I think all the time about how I could go camping or hiking, pick up my acoustic guitar and play, go out and take care of the yard, teach the dogs new tricks, re-organize the house. Then I think about how I don't really want to do anything other than what sounds the easiest and most enjoyable.

I drive myself nuts with how lazy I am. I think about how much I hate my laziness, but am too lazy to do anything about it. Vicious and perpetual laziness.

Help.