It's 8:11, I've got a cup of bad coffee in hand and i'm listening to some IT guy drone on about technical server data that goes way over head. I try to work, but find my brain and heart really aren't in it. As has been the case for the last 2 weeks, all I can really think about is Wednesday.
It's kind of sad. Sure i'm excited about the possibility of getting a huge paycheck again, and being able to spend it on some new gear. The pathetic part being that all I've been able to think about recently is how much money I'm going to make. Even in church yesterday. I feel pretty awful. I feel like (pardon the French) a greedy bastard.
Perhaps it is a reflection of how little I feel like I have to look forward to these days. My dreams tend to seem more like pipe dreams than achievable ones. I don't really have many solid friendships with folks in the immediate area. I don't care too much for my job, but it's often hard to believe that I'm going to be good at or successful doing anything else.
I'm thinking it's time to put things back into God's hands. I tend to be selfish with things like time and activities. I should learn to give more of the time I have to things outside of myself. And I need to be more responsible in the activities I pursue. Less time sitting around watching TV, more time doing something constructive like exercising, visiting with friends, pursuing volunteer activities, etc. In essence, spend more time consumed with something other than myself and my desires.
My boss is likely about to walk into the office, so it's probably time I at least pretended to listen to the conference call. That or get more coffee.